MIDDLE EARTH MAN

 

There is no doubt that Peter Jackson’s The Hobbit (there used to be a time when I thought of it only as J.R.R. Tolkiens’ The Hobbit) is doing booming box office worldwide. This bodes well for the second and third installments of this mega-adaptation of a rather slender book. Let me state for the record that the film is largely enjoyable to watch. It’s also incredibly long for only one part of a three-part story. I was none-too-pleased when the credits rolled and all I got as a payoff for my emotional investment was a Dwarf-Hobbit hug at the end!
But I digress. Many of the scenes (excellent as they are) go on too long. The most egregious of these is the rabid feasting and partying by the Dwarves after they descend on poor Bilbo Baggins. For no discernable reason, it got me to thinking about the distinct personality types to be found in Middle Earth. Let’s take the Dwarves for example. They are down-to-earth hearty souls who party like there’s no tomorrow, hang together like a band of brothers and are the type to shamelessly laugh at fart jokes. “Well,” says a friend of mine, “you seem to have a bit of Dwarf in you.” Me? Oh, yes. If I were a Middle Earth man, then I was clearly raised among the Dwarves.
“But,” again says my friend, “you have that aloof and thoughtful Elf quality.” Do tell. Does that make me (in the realm of Middle Earth, that is) a Snooty Dwarf or a Rockin’ Elf? However, I feel a strong connection to the Shire, an idyllic, peaceful place where no one is in a hurry and you never even want to travel beyond its borders. Plus, the hairy feet also make me strongly inclined to accept kinship with the Hobbits. So, I think I have the soul of Hobbit, the introspection of an Elf and the attitude of a Dwarf. My hairy feet, soft doe-eyed gaze (result of allergies, really) and uncontrollable snickering at fart jokes confirm this assessment, I fear. Alas, I am a Middle Earth Man (not a wizard, not an orc).
My friend speaks again: “Where would you choose to live in Middle Earth?” Rivendell (home of the Elves) is clearly the high-end of the real estate market and too much for me to afford. Erebor (home to the Dwarves), although chock full of treasure, has a rough and tumble feel that likely includes a lengthy Police Blotter and Middle Earth graffiti. That leaves the Shire (home to the Hobbits) the suburbs of Middle Earth. Good schools, nice parks and low crime no doubt make up for the stiff real estate tax.
Yes, I’d choose the Shire.
Too bad I have to commute to work in Mordor…
I’m just saying…